So it begins.

As a Mom, I know that there are going to be many, many times in my children's lives that I'm going to want to protect them from a broken heart. Sometime that'll be possible, most times it won't and when it's not possible, I know my heart is going to break for and with them. Last week, I got the first taste of heartbreak for G, our middle child.

Little ear and all

See, not only was our precious boy born with three holes in his heart, but he was also born with two other congenital defects called microtia and atresia. It came as a complete surprise to my husband and me and wasn't discovered until G was born, (more on that journey later). The long and the short of it is that G doesn't have more than a little earlobe on his right side and no ear canal. He's been found to have about 10% of the hearing he should have on the right side, but believe me when I tell you that he's got perfect hearing on the left. As a result of this difference, TDH Man and I  have discussed many, many times the things G is going to have to experience on his own. Since he was three weeks old, he's undergone therapies for hearing, speech and other issues to prepare him for the day when he turns three and they set him free into the preschool world.

I'm not going to lie: when G was first born, his 'little ear' (as we learned to call it) was all I saw. But gradually, I stopped seeing it and just saw my child, different and beautiful. And now, three years later, it seems that others are seeing it too.

TDH Man has had the week off because our daycare is on vacation, so he's been Mr. Mom. One of the difference between when I stay home with the three young'uns and he stays home is that I tend to stay home. TDH Man, on the other hand, is a bit of a wanderlust and tends to find an adventure for the kids and barrels forth. Last week, he took G and AD to the park. While he was sitting with AD on the blanket, letting her practice her belly-rolls, TDH Man watched G playing in the sand with two little girls whom he'd never met. Later, when TDH Man was relating the story, he tells me that he couldn't be sure, but he was pretty certain that he heard one of the girls point and laugh, saying "Look at his ear!".

Despite three years of waiting for it, it still broke my heart to hear it.

I've had people tell me they didn't even notice G's difference at all. I'm never sure if they're saying that because they're being nice, or if they really didn't see it. As a parent of a child with a facial difference, I'm telling you right now, be honest. Don't make stuff up, just to be nice. I would rather you just didn't say anything at all if it freaks you out that my son has no ear than to give me a white lie and say you didn't notice because I wonder. I wonder so much that it keeps me up some nights. Yes, I understand that you don't want to be uncomfortable around my boy, and that he's got something different in his bag of tricks, but he's still my boy. He's still funny, smart, sweet, feisty and a toddler. But still, I wonder what people think some times. And that's my hang-up, not G's.

See, that little girl pointed and laughed, but G didn't hear her.  And not because he's partially deaf, but because it's the first time that someone has pointed it out and laughed at it and because it was the first time, he didn't realize it was directed at him. I know there will be a day when he'll realize it, but for now, I'm glad he's oblivious because right now, I needed it. I need to watch him and learn from his reaction and remember that no matter what, he's my boy, little ear and all.