Happy, happy number three, G.

Our boy, G, our middle child, turned three today. I wrote this about the day he was born a few years ago. It's only proper to share it today.

After 42 weeks of waiting, TDH Man and I were more than ready on Friday morning to meet our baby.  We woke up just like any other morning, had breakfast and got Evan off to the bus.  Once we got home, we sat and waited for the midwife to call and tell us to come to the hospital.  I did a last load of laundry while TDH Man read the paper and at around 9:30am, Maureen, the midwife on call, phoned to tell us that they were very busy on the labor and delivery floor of the hospital so she was going to have to wait to see what time we could come in.  "Don't worry, it WILL be today though", she told us.  Finally at 10:30am, the nurse on the L&D floor called and asked us to get there as soon as possible. I told her we lived about 40 minutes from the hospital and she said "OK.  Don't speed, but we need you to get here as soon as possible."  So, we were off!

We quickly packed the last few things for the hospital, I put the laundry in the dryer and we headed out the door.  On the way to the hospital, we stopped at CVS so that I could get some Lansinoh and some more wipes.  Sadly, they were out of the Lansinoh, so we just headed to the hospital. TDH Man and I arrived at the triage area and checked in with registration.  Once we were done with the paperwork, they brought us upstairs and showed us to our room.  A few minutes after arriving, Maureen peeked into the room and we went over the plan for the afternoon.  The first step was to check to see if she could break my water and if so, we'd see if that would kickstart my labor.  The Alternative Birthing Center was taken with another woman in labor, so that was no longer an option for us.  I was a bit disappointed, but we'd try to replicate the experience as much as possible, Maureen told us.  Around 11:30am, Maureen decided it was time to get started so she did an internal exam and saw that I was still only about 3-4 cm dilated.  She said it was going to be a bit tricky, but she would try to break my water anyway.  She did it and then told us to walk around to see if my labor would start on it's own.  They hooked me up to the telemetry monitors and TDH Man and I proceeded to walk the hallways for the next few hours.  Maureen would come to check on me periodically and she told me that I was having contractions about 3-4 minutes apart, but I couldn't feel any of them.  She said that since I wasn't feeling them, they weren't the kind of contractions that were productive and she was willing to let me go for another 30 minutes or so before making the call about the pitocin.  TDH Man and I agreed, so we just continued to walk in the hopes that labor would start.

Around 2:30pm, Maureen reviewed the contraction and baby monitor and decided to start the pitocin.  Because I was already having contractions regularly and baby was still doing well, she started me off on the lowest dose possible.  TDH Man and I walked more laps.  About 30 minutes later, I still couldn't feel any contractions, so they doubled the dose and we walked some more.  Thirty minutes later, Maureen checked on me again and I was still not feeling any contractions.  We laughed and said that if this kept up I was going to have the easiest labor in the world since I was actually having contractions (according to the monitors) but I still couldn't feel them.  Finally at 4:30pm or so they increased the dose again and TDH Man and I walked some more.  Around 4:45pm, I finally started to feel some cramping and decided that I couldn't sit any longer and needed to walk around.  When the contractions were strong enough to get my attention, I told TDH Man to go down to the cafeteria to get some dinner because I knew that this was the beginning and I needed to make sure he was well fed and not starving the whole night.  He ran downstairs and when he got back at 5:00pm, I started having to breathe through the contractions.  They were definitely getting stronger as the time went by.  TDH Man ate quickly and we walked the hallways again to keep labor going.  Finally around 6:00pm, the pain was getting intense, so Maureen checked me and I was 6cm dilated.  Maureen suggested that I go and sit on the toilet to help with the pain.  I did so and when the pain of sitting got to be too much, I asked if I could get into the shower and Maureen told the nurse that we could stop the pitocin and let me labor on my own now.  I got into the shower and I have to say it felt SO good!  TDH Man was able to stand outside the shower and hold the sprayer on my back to help relax me and I was able to just stand there for the next hour or so.  I have to say, this was the best part of labor!  I can remember joking around with him and Maureen would come in and check on my progress now and then.  It was just relaxing and so easy-going at this point.

When I started to feel more pressure with the contractions, Maureen suggested that I get out of the shower and she would check me to see if it was time to push yet.  I was finally at 9cm dilated and feeling tons of pressure in my belly and backside but she said that she couldn't let me push quite yet.  By this time, I was already more than half way through transition, so she kept suggesting different ways to help me get over that final centimeter. I changed positions a few time, first trying to lean over the bed, then trying to be on my knees on the bed.  Squatting by the side of the bed helped, but I couldn't get that last centimeter out of my head.  I remember telling baby to move down, move down, move down over and over.  Finally, when the pressure became too much, I told Maureen that I really wanted to push now and she said she'd check me again.  Just as before, she said I was still at 9cm and she didn't want me to push yet.  She suggested I try to empty my bladder because sometimes that will slow baby from moving down enough.  I tried, but nothing happened and the pain of sitting during the contractions was too much to bear.  At this point, she told me to try laying on the bed and she would see if I could push that last centimeter out of the way.  I laid on my back but it was so painful to lay down that I kept saying "I don't want to lay down... I don't like this position!"  At this point, my blood pressure had started to rise a bit and so Maureen asked me to lay on my side to try to get that last centimeter out of the way.  The nurse gave me some oxygen because the baby's heartrate dipped a little bit.

Maureen decided that it would be best to try to push through that last centimeter because we needed to get the baby out as soon as possible.  I remember her saying "This is a much more difficult second labor than I thought it would be for you.  I'm sorry!"  Because I was still so uncomfortable on my back, she suggested that I try to push while lying on my side, but no matter how I tried, I couldn't get enough leverage to push effectively.  After a few tries, Maureen told me that as much as I hated it, I pushed so much better while being on my back.  I agreed to stay on my back and around 8:00pm, we started pushing.  At first the pushes weren't moving baby down very quickly.  Maureen kept encouraging me to push harder and she kept trying to loosen my cervix around baby's head to help the descent.  TDH Man kept whispering in my ear, telling me that he could see baby's head and that I was doing really well.  He helped hold my legs up and was cheering me on with every push.  I remember a few minutes of just staring in his eyes, gathering my strength when I thought I wasn't going to be able to do it any longer.  I don't remember Maureen telling me that I was fully dilated at anytime, but I remember thinking she was going to stop me from pushing at any moment and tell me that I was still only 9cm.  The thought scared the daylights out of me!

Finally, something happened and baby shifted just a bit and at 8:45pm, my pushes became much more effective and I remember Maureen telling the nurse to call the doctor because the baby was going to come soon.  I remember crying and saying that I was never going to be able to get the baby out and that I just couldn't do it anymore.  TDH Man, Maureen and the nurses kept encouraging me, saying that the could see the baby and that I was so close!  Maureen had me reach down and feel the baby's head and that was all that I needed to keep going.  I gathered my strength and pushed 4 or 5 more times.  I could feel an intense pressure, but I never had that 'ring of fire' feeling that women talk about.  Suddenly, I felt more pressure and Maureen told me to push hard and suddenly the pressure was gone.  The baby was born at 9:05pm after about an hour of pushing.  I saw Maureen pull the baby away from my body and all I could see was it's arm and it was so, so blue.  I started panicking and kept saying "Is the baby alright?  Is it alright?"  Maureen held the baby low and clamped the cord.  I could see TDH Man standing near the baby and Maureen told him to go with the baby to the warmer.  I kept saying "Is it alright?!" And Maureen said "Tell them what they have!  They don't even know what they have yet!"  TDH Man came back over to me and said "It's a boy!  We have a boy!".  I was still in panic mode and I kept saying "Is he ok?  Is he alright?  I can't hear him crying!"  TDH Man said "He's fine, baby, he's crying!  Do you hear him?  He's fine!"  The nurses worked on him for a bit and my husband asked if he should stay with me or with the baby.  I told him to stay with the baby and watch him.  The nurses were so amazed at how big he was that they wanted to get him on the scale fast.  When they were ready, they called TDH Man over to take pictures of our boy on the scale:  10 pounds, 14 ounces!

Now that the baby was out, Maureen worked on getting me to deliver the placenta.  After 30 minutes, it still wasn't delivered and so Maureen told the nurse to restart the pitocin to get the placenta delivered.  Because I had already had the IV started, she started the medication, but after a few minutes, my hand started to burn terribly.  Somehow I had moved the IV while pushing and the fluid was backing up into my arm.  They had to start another IV line in my other arm because the swelling was so bad in my left arm.  Finally, about 45 minutes later, I delivered the placenta and Maureen said "Wow, even the placenta is huge!"

The nurses cleaned G up and handed him over to his dad.  By this time, I remember being freezing and shaking uncontrollably. I had gotten a second-degree tear from pushing so Maureen worked on stitching me up while TDH Man brought the baby over to me.  I was so uncomfortable being on my back that Maureen promised to work quickly to repair the tear and get me comfortable again.  I was still shaking so bad that the nurse finally brought some warmed blankets over to me and after Maureen was done, I could finally sit back and TDH Man brought G over so I could see him.  The pediatrician on call came over to talk to us about G because they had discovered his right ear was folded over and he had a skin tag on his cheek.  She explained that the two things can be indicative of other problems, but that right now she didn't see anything wrong with him that would require a stay in the NICU for now.  She said that they would watch him over the next few days, but she was releasing him to us for the night.

Once we were all cleaned up and situated, TDH Man and I sat and just looked at our new baby.  It was just amazing to think the he was actually here, safe and sound.  I have so many great memories of the labor and I can't rave enough about how great my husband was throughout the entire labor.  He was nervous that he wasn't going to be able to help me, but it was so wonderful to have him there and he was such a big help.  I remember just staring in his eyes a few times when it got to be rough and it helped to center me and made me remember how much he loved me and was there helping me.  I'm so proud that I got to have the labor that I was hoping for and that even though he was two weeks late, G made his way into this world peacefully and relatively easily.  I'm so blessed to have my three boys in my life.  And now, we start our journey as a family of four!

It hurts no less.

Three years ago, this happened:

Woman killed in wreck on Tarpon Springs Road

And three years later, it still hurts. She wasn't just a woman, she was my blood-mother. No matter what our relationship was, she was the woman who gave birth to me. And it hurts like nothing else to know that she is gone from this world.

My mother in an undated photo.

So today, no matter how crappy your day seems, remember that someone else is hurting too and try to be kind. Please.

Sharing your faith, through doors and windows

This speech was originally given at the Portsmouth United Methodist Church by me on April 22, 2011 as part of our church's Faith in Action series. I give a speech every month about practical ways you can share your faith with others. If you ever have a suggestion, please let me know in the comments!

I learned this week of the Pascal Greeting tradition. I wondered out loud to my husband when the tradition fell out of favor, if it indeed had.  I haven't heard of it and don't think anyone has ever greeted me with "He is risen!" to which I should have replied "Truly, He is risen!"  This greeting is a wonderful reminder of the joy that Jesus brings and personally, it makes my heart sing to say it.  He is risen, he is risen indeed!

Today I wanted to talk to you about doors, specifically opening doors.  The process of sharing your faith is a lot like learning to open doors.  When you start to open those doors, you start on a path that leads you and others around you, to God.  But even getting that door open can seem like a daunting task sometimes.  I'm not always good at opening doors.  I tend to stay in my own little room, oblivious to those around me, to their joy, their pain, their questions. 

A few years ago, I found myself in a situation I never thought I would be in: sitting in a courthouse, waiting for my divorce attorney to meet me.  It was not a high-point in my life.  My world had been disrupted in a way I couldn't imagine and yet, here I sat in this cold, hard building with a bunch of strangers bustling about all probably feeling the same thing.  Maybe it's my heightened sense of literary drama, but it always seems to me you can feel the pain in those places.  Courthouses usually mean nothing but pain and anger and distrust. There are so many emotions on display, right out there, raw and uncensored.  Being the closed-door kind of person I am, that makes it all the more uncomfortable to me.  But, there I sat, by myself, watching so many dramas unfold and feeling utterly alone.  I had brought a book to read, knowing that I would probably have some time to kill, but I couldn't read it.  Nerves, anxiety, whatever it was, I couldn't concentrate so I just sat there. Close by, there was a women sitting on a bench, intently staring at an index card.  Now, as I said before, I'm a closed-door person; I have a very hard time talking to strangers (I think my parents were probably a little too successful with that whole stranger-danger lesson), but something moved in me to speak to this woman. So, I asked her what was on her card.  I can't remember if she read it aloud or just handed it to me, but this is what it said "Are not five sparrows sold for just 2 pennies?  And yet, not one of them is forgotten or uncared for in the presence of God.  But the very hairs of your head are all numbered... Do not be struck with fear or seized with alarm; you are of greater worth than many flocks of sparrows." 

That verse from Luke spoke to me.  In a time of my life where I felt alone, that I had made some terrible mistakes and had no worth in God's eyes, a stranger shared God's word with me, she shared her faith. She didn't know that some stranger was going to ask her about the card in her hand when she wrote it; she carried it for herself, for her own comfort.  But her faith came through on that card and in the end, she passed it onto me.  We talked for a while and I learned that she too, was in the middle of a terrible divorce.  She too was worried about the impact on her family, she too was worried about what people would think of her.  But that card, that verse from Luke, reminded her that we are never forgotten.  I never asked her name and I probably will never see her again in this life, but the gift of faith that she gave me that day won't ever leave me.  I cherish that card and it's message.

Sharing your faith is like opening a door.  And sometimes, a stranger will see that open door and walk through it.